Dinnertime. Hungry but not that hungry. Maybe just a sandwich. Hmm, this tuna has been in here for a long ass time. I wonder how long it's good for...DAMN! June 30 of 2014! So even after John Cusack's apocalypse, at least the omega man will be able to scrounge up some good ol' omega 3.
So EVERYBODY knows that canned goods are bad. Except me i guess. Actually, i am aware of the evils of "shelf life" but i don't have the means or patience to go all organic or start my own farm. Seeing my Tuna's durability sparked a couple thoughts though. And not the obvious "only eat fresh organic foods you heathen" type of thoughts. I know that the amount of preservatives in this tuna is the equivalent of what sustained Tutankhamun's body. But, that's my point. What happens if all you people with your fresh fruit and organic veggies are gonna end up as compost a lot faster than me cause you don't have the beyond human preservatives pulsing through your veins.
My second thought is: if preservatives can keep food edible for this amount of time, what else can these preservatives be used for? Is the body of Hitler, Osama Bin Laden and Einstein preserved somewhere in a human sized pickle jar?
Using the preservation science of the Twinkie, you can now take a break from your hectic life and enjoy temporary suspended animation. Awake feeling rested and whole again. Side effects may include loss of job, loss of spouse, muscle stiffness, arthritis, a funky smell, rectal bleeding...
Anyhow, i know that the food industry is ran by Satan and the government is just trying to fatten us up so when the time is right, they will shed their human skin and swoop down and cannibalize the fuck out of us. I bought extra Mace for that occasion. But i am open for suggestions. If anybody knows of a better way to eat and avoid nearly everything that we buy at grocery stores, let me know.
Peace
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