Your Tuna May Outlast You



Dinnertime. Hungry but not that hungry. Maybe just a sandwich. Hmm, this tuna has been in here for a long ass time. I wonder how long it's good for...DAMN! June 30 of 2014! So even after John Cusack's apocalypse, at least the omega man will be able to scrounge up some good ol' omega 3.

So EVERYBODY knows that canned goods are bad. Except me i guess. Actually, i am aware of the evils of "shelf life" but i don't have the means or patience to go all organic or start my own farm. Seeing my Tuna's durability sparked a couple thoughts though. And not the obvious "only eat fresh organic foods you heathen" type of thoughts. I know that the amount of preservatives in this tuna is the equivalent of what sustained Tutankhamun's body. But, that's my point. What happens if all you people with your fresh fruit and organic veggies are gonna end up as compost a lot faster than me cause you don't have the beyond human preservatives pulsing through your veins.

My second thought is: if preservatives can keep food edible for this amount of time, what else can these preservatives be used for? Is the body of Hitler, Osama Bin Laden and Einstein preserved somewhere in a human sized pickle jar?
Using the preservation science of the Twinkie, you can now take a break from your hectic life and enjoy temporary suspended animation. Awake feeling rested and whole again. Side effects may include loss of job, loss of spouse, muscle stiffness, arthritis, a funky smell, rectal bleeding...

Anyhow, i know that the food industry is ran by Satan and the government is just trying to fatten us up so when the time is right, they will shed their human skin and swoop down and cannibalize the fuck out of us. I bought extra Mace for that occasion. But i am open for suggestions. If anybody knows of a better way to eat and avoid nearly everything that we buy at grocery stores, let me know.

Peace

Happy Monday

Such a gloomy, rainy monday. This made me smile


The Horrors- A Train Roars

Outside a Train roars, the clatter is deafening
Louder than everything, drowns what you were saying
And the Boys get on the back of that train
Their clamour is deafening, It is louder than everything
And they accept no warning
And me in my brilliant red shirt
And my shirt hangs open at the neck
The Train is always passing through
Male passengers turn their heads, following the passage
of a beautiful Ducchess running from carriage to carriage
And it ploughs through the city, and everyone rides the Train
It ploughs a primal instinct to rail against better sense
The Train is always passing through
And me in my bloodstained shirt, my body hangs open at the neck
It is always passing through, through me
The bodies on the back of the train they stink of greedy sex
Leave a trail of instinct and roses and things

Count Jackula At Pugs



Album Review: Clark- Iradelphic

One of the serendipitous joys of browsing the Internet is stumbling upon a new album from a fav artist. And fortunately tonight happens to be one of  those nights. Warp recording artist Clark has a new album out folks!!! Actually, Iradelphic came out April 2nd so excuuuuuse me for being so behind the ball. Regardless,  if you don't know about this man you better act like you know. His catalog is full of some of the most beautiful, epic, psychedelic music in the genre (electronic/IDM). However, placing any kind of label on this man's output is almost an insult because he clearly marches to the beat of his own drum (machine).

 I am listening to the album as i write this, and so bright and beautiful are the melodies on Iradelphic, i feel like sunshine is going to come out of my face. It sounds like an astral projection to a world made of clouds that talk to beings made out of silver energy that kinda look like the monster form Forbidden Planet. And when they talk, they speak in tearing synth sounds that rip through their cloud reality to reach your pathetic human brain.What can i say, trying to describe what this album sounds like just makes me sound like Terrance Mckenna.

To compare it to his other albums it most closely resembles Body Riddle or Totems Flare.  His sonic palette has expanded even greater on this album to include Spanish style guitar and even female vocals. And of course, it works. The results are not unlike an album by Stereolab or Broadcast recorded by, well, Clark. Besides the fact that Clark is one of the most technically savvy producers, he has an AMAZING knack for making very catchy tunes that have a way of softly nestling themselves in your brain like some kind of really dope bedtime lullaby. I cannot sing this guys praises enough. To know his catalog is to get an education on how to produce on a higher level. Damn you Clark for kicking all of us other producers in the balls! Whatever, do yourself a favor and grab this immediately!

http://www.amazon.com/Iradelphic-Clark/dp/B007IOP3SU/ref=sr_1_1_digr?ie=UTF8&qid=1335679851&sr=8-1

Clark- Iradelphic gets $8.75 out of 10$. A solid, albeit short set.

Ghost Pac, Holographic Jesus and Meta-Skin

SO i opened up my Facebook account to stalk the regulars and see what funiness/tradgeys had occurred that day, and there it was. Someone had posted an interesting sounding video. Probably all of you have seen this by now, but it was a video of a very strange musical performance; a video of a holographic 2Pac giving a posthumous performance at Coachella. My interest in this lasted about as long as it took you to read this sentence but it did make me think a couple of things. First, we FINALLY have scientific PROOF that even a fucking machine could give an adequate rap performance (kidding? eh...fuck it, i'm not writing this to make friends...you know it's true). Secondly, we are FINALLY approaching an era where the science fiction concept of holograms is becoming a reality. I mean shit, if Digi-Pac is realistic enough to make the stoned masses scream while delivering Hail Mary, what else could we expect?

I pose the following.

The first application. Porn. Do i even need to explain the use of a virtual hottie moaning and writhing within what seems to be inches from you? I didn't think so. Seems pretty obvious. Let your imagination run wild.

Second, is also pretty much a given. Military. Undoubtedly, the military is the key proponent in progressing and expanding this technology. Besides the obvious decoy hologram soldier, this type of technology could have an untold amount of uses. If you ask any artist, they will tell the most difficult thing to make look realistic is the human body and face. So if we are able project a convinicing image of a person then we can assuredly project a convinicing image of a machine. And if we can project a convincing image of a machine, we can probably project environments and therefore cloak objects by superimposing the physical subject with the image of a projected environment. Not only am i talking about an armor that could visually match virtually any surface (ie Metal Gear Solid 4) but i am talking about the shit Tom Cruise used in the new Mission Impossible flick when he infiltrated the Kremiln (ya i saw it so you don't have to). I am talking about some Ghost in the Shell/Predator invisiblity shit! Camouflage that can stream reality onto fabric in real time. Check this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PD83dqSfC0Y . This vid is way older than it says. I saw a clip just like this when i was in my last semester in college. That was 2004! That is 8 years ago! Damn I am old! AND that is shit on Youtube, far from classified military info. What you have in your hand, pocket (not your dick, idiot, your cellphone) is chock full of James Bond-ian shit that started as top secret military ideas. Cameras on a concealable device, Global Positioning Systems, wireless electronic mail. Mark my words, invisibility, as much as it sounds like science fiction WILL BECOME SCIENCE FACT! Imagine a tank cloaked with this type of technology "hiding" in plain sight, primed to knock on the enemy's door, so to speak. What a twist on the Trojan Horse story that would be.



But how can holograms help people like you and me who won't be fighting clandestine wars?

Have you lost a loved one? Can you just not get past the thought of ever seeing them again? Would maybe seeing them one more time make it easier for you to get up and have a productive day. Well with holographic technology we can prolong your loved ones memory. They look and sound just like the real thing! Would you know if the person was real or not if you couldn't smell or touch them. If your eyes and ears were absolutely convinced it was the living article, would you know?

Would you know if the person was real or not if you had never met them before but just heard about them? Say for example, Elvis. Or what about Jesus? What if there was a group of individuals who realized what type of influence and political/religious implications an event like the second coming of Jesus would have. And with the "miracle" of holographic technology, said group made our Lord walk the earth again. Would you know if it was really Him or not? Would you? You would probably be watching the event on the internet or on your phone anyway, far removed...

Well if we couldn't touch it, we couldn't prove it was real...

What if we could manipulate physical appearance. Play with this idea. So in the future, Harry Potter style invisiblity is old hat (or cloak), and we have perfected the technology. The fabrics are more refined with the advent of carbon fibers. The material that comprises the cloak is the thickness of a hair. The concept of projecting any image onto the surface has been honed. You can now have more or less a second skin that mimics any type of outward appearance that you desire. No more ugliness and dry spells cuz of an acne flare up or a bad hair day. You can look like Brad Pitt one day and George Clooney the next (women use your imagination...think Angelina Jolie). A surface of skin that is beyond skin, we'll call it Meta-Skin. Meta-skin can make the horribly disfigured burn victim appear beautiful again. The elderly appear youthful.The fugitive on the run appear as an innocent man. The Meta-skin reality: where physical appearance can change as frequently as browsing pages on the web. We all can look the exact same...as beautiful Brangelinas. But if we all are beautiful, what makes us unique? Something not physical. Something intangible. Our personality, spirit, soul? Something the 2pac hologram didn't have. So is the spirit world really the real reality? I'll stop cuz im going on a tangent...

The duet of Snoop and Ghost-Pac, for me, is a sign of exciting things in the future. For all the doom and gloom i constantly hear from people about the world coming to the end...we may be on the cusp of a wildly inventive time. It will be a time that will probably not answer our questions on what is reality and what does it mean to be human but will ask new questions and rephrase old ones. It will be a crazy place. A place that i am sure i can't even imagine but may glance at it in my dreams. Perhaps it will be a place where maybe i could finish writing this article because i could send a holographic doppelganger to work for me (just look like you are busy).

keep asking questions everyone.


peace

Count Jack's Music Mind Loop


X'd Out




Charles Burns is one of my favorite artists writing now easily. His clean, heavy line work is reminiscent of a bygone era. Like Tin Tin on Ketamine. Although at a glance, his cartoonish drawings may look playful, they instill in me a detached, disassociated vibe which perfectly matches his content. Burns is big on depicting the anxiety, alienation and fear involved in teenage love literally. When a relationship changes for the worse, a lover literally sheds her skin (see Black Hole). Likewise, in X'd Out, the wake up of a failed relationship turns into a drugged out venture through interzone which is straight out of Naked Lunch. It's weird and heady, and if you are beginning to understand what we like here at this blog, it's right up our alley. And if you want to act like you are reading but don't have time for an actual book, this will fit the bill nicely.

*the sequel to this The Hive comes out October 9th

Like Terminator X, Count Jackula speaks with his hands

The Skin I Live In


So i am not sure how much i should say about this one, because its one of those movies that hinges on a twist.  But suffice it to say, The Skin I Live In is fuuuuuuuccked up! It is a riveting movie, with an interesting story that will get people talking. Basically Antonio Banderas plays a mad scientist who is trying to perfect an artificial skin that is resistant to normal wear and tear. Seems simple enough right? Wrong. That's all i will say about the story. The acting, art direction and pacing is all above par. And for those who are thrown off by subtitles, don't be retards. Guys, watch this with a lady friend. They will be impressed that you can read, so bonus points for your smarts. And, extra points for tricking them into watching something totally fucked up. Don't say i didn't warn you though.

the song in the trailer is Shades of Marble by Trentemoller


The Skin I Live In gets $7.50 out of $10. This movie will stick with you, making it worth the price of admission.


i can't get this song out of my head

Lockdown Bar and Grill



so i tried Lockdown Bar and Grill last night in Humboldt Park. the wait was about 20 minutes, which i guess could have been longer had me and my friend not made our presence known. We were sat to eat around 8ish. At this time of night, they were blasting some concert from some metal band that i guess i should give a shit about, but don't.  The sound system in the place is really friggin good, so i had to yell my thoughts on the menu to my friend to be heard over the headbangers ball in the background. I decided on the Jail House Rock Burger aka the Fat Elvis. The key notes are the fact that this burger has banana, bacon and peanut butter on it. good choice. AND because we went on a Tuesday it was half off. So this beast was only $6! Fuck yeah! i gotta say though, this sucker is crazy filling and about the half way mark i ran out of bacon. The bacon really sets everything else off (which it tends to do with everything), so i began to bemoan the overwhelming presence of peanut butter. however it wasn't really a bad thing. so all in all, if you wanna really feel like a true glutton like a "king" of rock (i refuse to say "the" king) did, this sandwich will really kick your stomach in the ass. be warned, it is so filling i was still full when i tried to go to sleep around 4am. so i guess you might wanna try this if you are studying for exams...
*i did not take this pic (mental note...bring camera next time)

movie review- Demon Seed




You wanna see a house rape a woman? No seriously. That about sums this one up.

Proteus IV is a computer that is way too smart for his own good. So smart in fact, it figured early on that as a computer you won't get much action. Alas, as a super genius machine, sometimes you have to take that pussy. So Proteus, being the creeper that he is, finds a way to beam himself into his creators' home. Once in the home, he makes the most of his time by overcoming the homes' security/automation system. And from there on out, this PC turned psycho boyfriend makes Julie Christie's life a living nightmare.

It's not as bad as it sounds though. In fact, this movie was WAY better than i expected. I threw this on expecting to wade through dated dialogue and effects in hopes of finding some abstract samples for my production. But nay i say. This one actually had me interested throughout. For the most part,  the acting is good and the writing is pretty un-corny. There are some genuinely tense moments and the fear of technology theme is still relevant. I won't go as far as to saying this is cinematic brilliance, but if you are like me and get your rocks off on finding forgotten, bizarre movies, this one is worth a watch for sure.

Demon Seed gets $5 out of $10. Not an amazing movie but entertaining. Producers looking for samples may want to consider coughing up more $ for it.