Movie review- 1990:The Bronx Warriors

I know I have a weird sense of humor. I didn't laugh when I saw Knocked Up and I thought the funniest thing about The Hangover was that people were calling it the funniest movie ever. I know I am alone on this, and I am OK with that. To me, a movie like 1990: The Bronx Warriors, is a comedy masterpiece. So what if it is unintentionally funny? If I am tearing up from belly laughs, it's a comedy.

The movie is set in the distant future of 1990 (which looks a lot like the 70's south Bronx). It's a rough time. So rough, gangs of roller skating thugs band together in outfits that look to be tailor made by Rainbow Brite. The movie is about a gangland rivalry which starts when the heir to a weapons manufacturer, the Manhattan Corporation....eh you know what, who gives a shit what it's about. It is jaw droppingly awful, so you aren't watching this for a Charlie Kaufman par script. Instead this movie is kind of like watching the socially awkward guy at work who says the most embarrassing things and is basically a train wreck at life. If you don't let him bother you and just kick back, you are in for a show. Otherwise, if you don't let go, the insanity may piss you off. Maybe that's a dick move laughing at this tragedy in motion, but I find it hilarious.

Instead, expect editing so bad you'd swear it was cut as a high school project. Super thick Bronx accents abound making dialogue that is already awful worse. Characters have names like Hot Dog, Ice and Hammer and the acting is so bad you will make a face like someone just smacked you with a fish.  There are some genuinely cool aspects of this flick, though. To unravel some of this movies finer points, look in the background to see some of the most idiotic activities performed by extras ever captured on film. For beat makers, this movie has plenty of crappy dialogue to chop up and weird synth 80's beats that scream to be sampled. Although the New York terrain is absolutely unconvincing as any sort of future, it is a pretty remarkable snapshot of an often overlooked time and location in one of America's most important cities. I mean the Bronx truly looks like a war zone. And that aint special effects homie.

Anyhow, I am not going to make this review long because it is pretty obvious the filmmakers didn't spend much time making the movie. All I gotta say is grab some beers, some friends with warped senses of humor and strap in. Prepare for one of the best endings of all time.

For fans of Ice Pirates

1990: The Bronx Warriors gets $5 out of $10. Although, it is an abomination of a movie, it's still worth a fimp for the grindhouse laughs.